Life is one long orgasm
by Angles of Death
Summary: Today is the final stage of the Chunin Exams.  But Naruto wakes up with an unexpected condition.  Hint: read the title.   ***Warning: Disturbing Content*** Humor/Parody.
1. an Abomination

**Life is one long orgasm**

**Chapter 1: an Abomination**

Naruto woke up, his dick throbbing. Today was the final stage of the Chunin Exams. He faced off against Hyuga Neji today.

For some reason, his blankets were soaked.

_Knock knock._

"Naruto! You're late!" Sakura yelled outside his door.

He yawned drowsily, stumbled to his door and opened to see Sakura and Ino.

Squirt.

"_**ARRGGGHHH!**_" Sakura began screaming her head off.

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!" Ino cried out, shielding her eyes.

Naruto looked at Sakura. "Ah, Sakura-chan… why are you wet?"

Sakura couldn't answer. She was soaked, and she broke down and began to cry.

Naruto looked down and saw something he had never seen before. His dick was sticking out of his boxer shorts and was repeatedly squirting out jets of a rather thick unknown liquid.

"Woah! What is happening to me?" Naruto said.

Squirts of semen hit Sakura in the face as she wailed in torment. Ino was still horrified, she couldn't believe what she just witnessed… Naruto had opened the door, and first thing that happened was a huge squirt of goop shot straight into her best friend's face.

"Uh… umm… Naruto…" Ino started, but then she found herself at a loss of words.

"Oh! Hey Ino!" Naruto smiled, facing her. His dick shot a thick wad of semen at Ino's face.

"**NOOO!** DON'T POINT IT AT ME!" Ino shrieked. She covered her eyes to no avail.

"W-what the…" Naruto's eyes widened.

Ino screamed again in mental agony when another jet of semen hit her nose and mouth area. That was a terrible idea though because as soon as she did so, another blast of semen shot straight into her mouth and she inadvertently swallowed in horrified anguish.

"What is my dick doing? Why is this happening to me?" Naruto asked in confusion.

"Kill me now. Please Kami. Kill me now…" Ino began to weep.

Sakura sobbed as she swiped furiously at her face trying to get rid of the semen.

"Ah, sorry Sakura-chan… I didn't mean to, I don't know what's going on, I can't control it!" Naruto pleaded, again facing Sakura.

"_**NOOOO!**_" She screeched, trying to dodge. That was futile though because his semen was almost blindingly fast.

"Turn around! Turn around!" Ino screamed in desperation, choking.

Naruto obeyed, swiftly turning, but not before another wad of semen shot at Ino's face as a passing gift. She howled in anguish as she waved blindly, her eyes blinded by the fluid.

His dick continued to ejaculate all over the floor as Naruto rubbed his head in confusion and awe.

Behind him, the two kunoichi were now sobbing incessantly as semen dripped off of them.

Naruto peeked at his clock and calendar. He really WAS late! His fight with Neji would start right after Shikamaru and Temari finished…

Struggling to put on his jumpsuit, he succeeded but in the end had to cut a hole in it so he could stick his dick out. (Otherwise he would just soak his pants completely).

"Sorry Sakura-chan, Ino-chan! I have to run!" Naruto waved as he shot off, semen squirting around as he jumped to the rooftop.

Ino and Sakura looked at each other in horror. "I don't think he realizes what he is doing." Ino mumbled.

"We have unleashed… an _abomination_." Sakura whispered as Ino retched into a nearby bush.

XXXXXXX

"WHAT THE FUCK KID?"

"What the hell is this… KAMI-SAMA! FUCK! FUCK!"

"Wait a second, why is my sushi wet? What the… HOLY SHIT!"

"7,000 Ryo for this coat? Ridiculous! So overpriced! …. **ARGGGH! OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT, I'LL TAKE IT!"**

These were just some of the screams that burst out from some of the villagers on ground level as Naruto leaped from rooftop to rooftop.

Naruto was completely clueless as to the amount of psychological damage he was dealing to the villagers of Konoha. Any person he hit was immediately traumatized for life.

Also the financial damage to any unlucky buildings that happened to be the target of one of his bursts of semen…

Many stores and restaurants changed from 'Open' to 'Closed until further notice' as their business owners tried to figure out how to recover from this unexpected catastrophe.

XXXXXXXX

The crowd cheered in relief as Shikamaru and Temari finally concluded their two-hour long match. Shikamaru gave up so Temari advanced to the next round.

Meanwhile, sitting next to the Sandaime, the Kazekage (secretly Orochimaru) twiddled his fingers together in satisfaction. Everything was going smoothly according to plan…

At the waiting area, Genma, the exam proctor looked around. "The next match is… Uzumaki Naruto vs. Hyuga Neji! Please make your way to the stadium field."

Neji leaped onto the field, eliciting a roar of approval from the crowd. Most were Land of Fire citizens, and they were very proud of their hidden village, especially its elite clans such as the Hyuga and Uchiha.

Everyone looked around for his opponent, however. He was nowhere to be seen…

XXXXXXXX

"Uzumaki Naruto? You're late!" One of the Chunin guards admonished as Naruto's figure approached.

"Ah, sorry!" Naruto said. "Woke up late, that's all." He neared the Chunin.

"Such lack of respect for our villagers! Do you know how many people are waiting out there to see you fight? And Hokage-sama is there too!"

Squirt.

"**GAAHHHH!" **The Chunin screamed.

Squirt. Squirt.

"**AARRGGHG! **I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! PLEASE… NO MORE, NO MORE!" The Chunin fell down in a sobbing heap.

"Sorry!" Naruto said as he stepped over the Chunin's quivering body.

XXXXXXX

The crowd erupted into a mixture of cheers and boos as a lone orange figure finally emerged from one of the tunnels to challenge Neji.

"Finally you're here!" Genma berated. "Don't be late nex-…. Umm, kid, what the hell?"

Neji stared dumbly as the blonde boy came to a stop several paces in front of him.

Squirt. Squirt.

"…"

The entire stadium was stupefied. For those in the nosebleed seats, they had no idea what was going on, of course. But for the mezzanine and the lower levels, most of them had covered their mouths in shock.

"What is he doing?"

"Kami-sama…"

"Oh dear… sweetie remember what we discussed about the certain times I'm going to have to blindfold you? This is one of them…"

Genma cleared his throat. "Um… I guess you guys can begin."

Naruto smirked. "Dattebayo! Let's go Neji!"

Unbeknownst to the blond boy, the Hyuga was currently in an existential crisis. Was this _fate_? Was Kami-sama playing a joke on him? Was it his destiny to fight a ninja who was constantly ejaculating?

Neji sighed deeply. Might as well get this over with.

"Byukagan!" He activated his bloodline. He looked at the blond boy and saw something he had never seen before. All of the boy's chakra points were funneling towards one area… his dick.

This means… if he wanted to shut off Naruto's chakra… he would have to use Jyuken on the blonde's dick.

Neji shuddered. He was a guy after all. He didn't really want to hurt another guy's crotch, after all, all men usually feel a common sympathy for each other in regards to… that region.

Still… desperate times called for desperate measures.

"128 Palm Strike!" Neji roared, rushing towards Naruto.

Squirt.

"**ARRRGGGHHH!**" Neji yelled. "MY EYES! MY EYES!" A thick lump of cum had shot into his eyes. Byukagan, while powerful, was also _extremely _sensitive.

Getting smacked by a fistful of semen in the face was just too much for the Hyuga to bear. He collapsed on the ground, his eyes suffering from physical agony.

"Ah… sorry Neji…" Naruto said, pitying the once-proud figure sobbing in front of him.

The crowd was rapidly transitioning from nausea to downright hysteria. A Hyuga just got beaten… by a squirt of bodily fluid…

Genma furrowed his eyebrow. "Hyuga Neji, are you still able to fight?"

Squirt. Squirt.

"**GAAAARGGHH!**" Neji roared again as another wedge of semen shot into his ultra-sensitive eyes.

"Sorry sorry sorry!" Naruto apologized, trying to aim somewhere else.

"I yield…" Neji mumbled, completely defeated.

"Winner: Uzumaki Naruto!" Genma shouted.

At the waiting area, Gaara was watching with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. That boy… he must be extremely powerful if he could take down someone as strong as Hyuga Neji so rapidly…

A squad of ANBU hopped down. "Umm… Uzumaki Naruto. The Hokage wishes to have a word with you." One of the ANBU said, wearing a bear mask.

They looked nervously at the blond, trying to maintain a safe distance.

Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Old man? Sure!"

"We're going to escort you there…" One of the female ANBU with long purple hair approached, trying to grab a hold of Naruto.

Squirt.

"**EEEEEEEKK!**" She screamed, as Naruto inadvertently turned and shot off another wad at her. "Never mind! Just go there yourself! We'll be right behind you."

XXXXXXXX

The Kazekage (Orochimaru) groaned as he watched the proceedings below. This was unbelievable. He was originally planning to wait until Gaara, the Ichibi's Jinchuuriki began fighting… but now, it seemed that the eternally ejaculating blonde would soon arrive at the Hokage box, along with a host of ANBU!

He sighed mentally as he gave off a few hand signals to a hooded Kabuto. Looks like they would have to commence the invasion earlier than originally planned…


	2. Romancing a Sound Ninja

**Life is one long orgasm**

**Chapter 2: Romancing a Sound Ninja**

"Hoka-aghhh!" The lone ANBU standing in the Hokage's box was swiftly assassinated.

Orochimaru ripped apart his Kazekage costume, grabbed the old man and leapt onto the nearby rooftop.

Meanwhile, a _Genjutsu_ swept through the entire stadium. Everyone began to fall asleep, save the ninja who were able to dispel it.

"Hokage-sama!" The ANBU with long-purple hair shouted. She picked up her pace.

Squirt.

"**GAAAH! **Watch where you're aiming that thing brat!" She yelled at the sheepish blonde boy. She only barely managed to dodge his missile.

A white-cloaked ANBU appeared as they neared the roof. "It's no use Cat. They've set up an impenetrable energy barrier." They could only watch in despair as their leader, the Hokage, fought against Orochimaru one-on-one.

Naruto came up. "Oh no! OLD MAN! He's trapped!"

The gathered ANBU glared at Naruto. "Kid, this place isn't safe." Fights were erupting all around them, as Konoha ninja faced off against the Hidden Sound and Sand ninjas.

Naruto accidentally shot a thick bullet of semen at the white-robed ANBU guy.

"... damnit! I just got these robes dry-cleaned yesterday! Get out of here kid!" The white-robed ANBU yelled, as a group of sound ninja tried to sneak up on the ANBU group. The two groups abruptly entered into deadly combat, completely ignoring the blonde.

Naruto sighed. He wanted to fight too!

He peered at the violet barrier. There were four sound ninja holding the barrier up, one big fat guy, one spider-looking guy, one red-haired girl, and one weird-looking emo kid.

Hey! Maybe he could ask them a few questions. They were probably bored anyway.

"Yo!" Naruto called out, nearing the red-haired girl, who was intensely concentrated on channeling chakra into the violet barrier. "How do you do that jutsu? That's really cool!"

Tayuya inwardly snorted. Who the fuck was this kid? She ignored him. She didn't dare speak. If she fucked this up, she was deader than a fat cow in a slaughterhouse.

"Helloooo?" The blonde boy waved fervently. "I asked you a question."

Tayuya cursed her luck. Why the fuck did this fucking idiot have to bother HER? Why the fuck couldn't he go and piss off fucking Jirobo. While the fatass literally had an IQ of 0, at least he knew how to maintain his concentration. Tayuya, on the other hand, felt her short temper rage within at this insolent, moronic brat.

Naruto then appeared right in front of her, on the other side of the barrier.

She stared, not daring to break her concentration.

He stared.

Squirt.

A thick wad of semen suddenly shot against the barrier, splattering all over the transparent walls. Tayuya's eyes widened in disbelief. What the hell? The barrier was supposed to burn anything that touched it!

Squirt. Squirt. Another lump of cum drenched the barrier, slowly drooping down in mocking lethargy.

Tayuya's eyebrows twitched madly. She could hardly believe it. Was this a fucking joke? What kind of sick fucking joke was this?

She forced herself to calm down. She could feel every single individual part of her body getting frustrated. She briefly imagined dissolving the barrier, and assaulting the dirty blonde boy with the fury of a thousand suns.

"Tayuya!" Jirobo called out from his end. He could feel the chakra pulses from Tayuya's side growing more erratic. "Is everything OK?"

The foul-mouthed redhead inwardly groaned. Was this Kami-sama's idea of a perverse punishment for her, for spewing out curse words all the time?

A movement behind the blonde boy caught her eye. Finally! One of her fellow sound ninjas was sneaking up on the blonde. Tayuya hoped and prayed that he would succeed in at LEAST driving the fucking perpetual cummer away from her face.

"Die, kid!" The ninja yelled.

Naruto turned around abruptly.

Squirt.

"_**AGAAAAAACKKK! WHAT THE FUCK?**_" The attacking sound ninja began to choke. Apparently Naruto had shot him point-blank range, a hunk of seamen directly into his nose and mouth.

The poor ninja tried desperately to strike Naruto with his kunai, but then he froze, and sneezed violently.

"Ah… bless you?" Naruto said sheepishly. "Sorry, my dick seems to have really good aim." At that moment, his dick unnaturally seemed to _nod_ in approval, backing up that statement with another money-shot directly at the Oto ninja's eyes.

"_**GAWCKCKK!**_" The ninja began to convulse violently, as Naruto half-heartedly berated his dick. "You're really hurting this guy! Show some mercy. Jeez."

The ninja was now sobbing openly about how after this, he would never get laid again. Naruto felt sorry for the poor guy. His dick proved how sorry it was by shooting another blast of semen into the disarmed ninja's nose, causing the guy to sneeze violently again. He soon lost his balance and rolled off the roof, falling into the abyss.

'_FUCKING! USELESS!_' Tayuya thought furiously. She watched in horror as the blonde again turned to her.

"Hey! You could have at least given me a warning that guy was gonna come up!" Naruto scolded, while firing off another wad of cum at her.

Tayuya let off a low growl.

"Man. Holding up that barrier can't possibly be that hard! Don't you know how to talk?"

She was on the brink of utter insanity. She tried to calm herself down, but honestly to endure having buckets of cum being shot at you, stopping only a few inches away, was absolutely unbearable.

"You know. You're kind of ugly. Sakura-chan is so much prettier than you!"

That, combined with another insolent stream of cum, sent Tayuya over the edge.

That's it! She couldn't fucking take this anymore. The blonde fucker had to die, NOW. NOW!

Bloodlust saturated her mind, as her level 1 seal abruptly activated on its own. A deranged haze filled her, as she forgot all traces of logic and reason, her mouth snarling. Without warning, she broke out of the Violet Flames Barrier and maniacally charged the blond like a rabid dog.

'_Shit shit shit!_' Naruto thought frantically as he executed his favorite jutsu of all time – Kage Bunshin.

Tayuya pulled back a deadly punch, with her level 1 seal activated, there was no way this blonde fucker could survive.

"**DIE FUCKER!**" She slammed her fist into the blonde in front of her.

"**...**"

_Poof_.

Squirt.

XXXXXXX

The original Naruto was long gone, hiding behind the edge of one of the roof corners, peeking out to see what was happening.

It was a sight he had never seen before.

10 Naruto (clones) were standing in a circle around Tayuya, who looked momentarily dumbstruck, her eyes bulging.

Squirt. (x10) Squirt. (x10)

In the span of 2 seconds, 30 squirts of cum had hit poor Tayuya in the face. She was simply flabbergasted.

Squirt. (x10)

She could barely open her eyes. So much semen. She felt like a yeti, with a ridiculously thick coat…

Out of the corner of her half-lidded eyes, she could barely make out the packs of ANBU leaping in to protect their Hokage. She barely made out the figures of Jirobo and Kidomaru, yelling and screaming at her, as they got dragged away by their ANBU captors.

Oh. Dear.

Fuck.

She had possibly just committed the _motherload_ of all fuck-ups. A faint part of her cursed her short temper, but it was too late.

Fuck.

Her bloodlust had long dissipated. She felt her entire body go weak. Even her seal wearily raised up a little white flag, signaling defeat.

Meanwhile, fistfuls of semen continued to hit her, but since she was so drenched already, she couldn't even feel it. It was like being a snowman in the middle of a blizzard.

Knees buckling, the great Tayuya of the North Gate, collapsed into a quivering, powerless, mess.

XXXXXXX

"Hokage-sama! Orochimaru has escaped! But we have these four… err…" An ANBU reported, kneeling in front of the Sandaime.

Sarutobi Hiruzen was exhausted after the fight with his former pupil. But he felt lucky to be alive. After barely defeating his two zombie predecessors, Orochimaru was on the brink of overwhelming him, when suddenly, out of the blue, the violet barrier disappeared! This was a stunning miracle, as his loyal ANBU had immediately charged in.

Of course, Orochimaru turned tail and ran immediately, once he realized he was up against 15 ANBU and the Third Hokage, with absolutely no support. He cursed his idiotic team! He didn't even know which one of them had failed him, but it didn't matter, they were all dead to him now.

"Your prisoners, Hokage-sama." The ANBU harshly threw the bounded figures of Jirobo, Kidomaru, and Sakon onto the rooftop for the Hokage to see.

"Hmm. You said you captured four prisoners? Where is the last one?"

The ANBU began to shuffle his feet nervously. He pointed over to a corner. 3 ANBU members warily kept a safe distance, surrounding a broken heap on the roof.

"Why not bring her here?" The Hokage asked.

The ANBU gulped. "Uh… ah… don't worry about her! She has this… err, contagious disease! You wouldn't want to go near her, Hokage-sama." The ANBU lied uncomfortably, trying to hide the fact that none of them really wanted to touch the girl at this point.

The Sandaime arched an eyebrow. "Hmm… very well. What is the status of the village?"

"Oh! All districts are secure, sir! Umm, well, except one of them." He said sheepishly.

"What! Which one? Why?"

"The Forest, Hokage-sama. Uh, the Ichibi's loose. No one really knows how to bring it down. It's just been rampaging there for the past hour though… err, it hasn't killed anyone though, it's just running around randomly…"

The Hokage sighed. "Ok. Find Yamato and bring him here." He was exhausted, yes, but as the Hokage of the village, he would have to stand as a firm symbol of leadership and command at any time.

"Hai, Hokage-sama."

XXXXXXX

Meanwhile, Naruto was leaping from rooftop to rooftop. He had heard a rumble coming from the forest. Since he couldn't find any of the other ninja, he assumed they were all there.

As he passed through the village though, again he started hearing random cries from the villagers and wounded shinobi below.

"Ugh… my leg… my leg… SHIT!"

"Dude, is it just me or is it raining. Hold on a second… WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Whew, I'm so glad we all survived through that… holy crap! The enemy's back, they're attacking with liquids, EVERYBODY HIDE!"

"What the… fuck! I just put on a damn bandaid too!"

Naruto neared the edge of the forest. He saw packs of ninja running around frantically. All the ninja had arrived to try to lure and keep the monster from re-entering the village proper.

His eyes peered upwards and saw a deranged giant raccoon, stomping around and cackling madly.

He felt a wave of courage surge through him. He had to protect his village! He will become Hokage one day! He grinned happily, his dick ejaculating buoyantly, as he leaped into the forest to play hero once more.


	3. Modern Weaponry

**Life is One Long Orgasm**

**Chapter 3: Modern Weaponry**

Shukaku was having a field day. He was completely immune to any jutsus that came his way, and these puny ninja just kept coming. It's like they were too stupid to figure out they couldn't touch him!

Then the monster stopped. And he nearly smacked himself for being so stupid! Of course these ninja would keep attacking him here in this _forest_, so that he would stay away from the main village area, where all the defenseless civilians were!

The giant raccoon mentally sighed. This stupidity is what led him to be demoted to 1-tail, the weakest of the 9 tailed beasts, "Ichibi" status.

The grumbling sand demon started to lumber towards Konoha central, smiting any ninja in his way.

XXXXXX

"Oh no! He's heading towards the main… WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Everyone fall back! Shukaku is leaving the forest… wait a second, is it raining?"

"Regroup! Regroup! Re- … HOLY SHIT! I THINK THE SHUKAKU IS CUMMING!"

Naruto leaped through the trees as _other _Konoha-nin leaped past him in the opposite direction.

"Kid you better not go there… AHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES!"

The blonde ejaculator ended up standing right in front of the rampaging Shukaku, completely alone. All the other ninja were either long gone or fearfully hiding several trees away, watching astounded.

"**HAHAHAHA! RUN MORTALS! RUN!**" The giant raccoon cackled while knocking over several trees in one hit.

Naruto arrived in front of the Ichibi, and glared. "Hey! You! Fat raccoon! You're ugly!" He piped.

The Shukaku stopped to look for the insolent source of noise, and looked down.

_Squirt_.

"What the fuck?" A Konoha chuunin whispered furiously to his comrade who was in the trees next to him. "DID YOU SEE HOW FAR HE SHOT?"

The Shukaku was bewildered. He was confused. Was this… Konoha's… secret weapon?

Squirt.

Shukaku felt a brimming fury rise within him. He could hardly believe that Konoha, the Village of the Leaf, the richest and most powerful Hidden Village, was letting _this _brat singlehandedly face him alone.

He must really be getting the short stick of the Tailed Beasts power sharing contract! Shukaku began to mutter furiously. This was outrageous. Completely outrageous!

The other beasts dueled _legends_ to show off their power, such as the Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime. Or Orochimaru. Or Tobirama Senju, the Nidaime. Or ANY of the legends of the past. The Kyuubi, the Hachibi, the Sanbi, they all got a chance to fight someone _worthy_. Whereas he, _he,_ after so many years of waiting, waiting for this final day of reckoning, gets paired up against this _**KID?**_

Squirt.

Another wad of semen shot into the Shukaku's eyes.

"**WHAT. THE. FUUUUUCK?**" Shukaku thundered, his demon heart burning with bitter shame and outrage.

Never, in his 1000 years of existence, had he been stood down like this. And by a _12_-year-old! This was a complete and utter insult.

Squirt. Squirt.

Naruto was actually pretty impressed with his dick. It really was covering a lot of distance with its semen barrages. His dick seemed to wink in response, as it shot off another huge lump of cum 200 feet into the air, directly into the Shukaku's nose.

"**DAAAMN YOU SAGE!**" The giant demon screamed, cursing his creator. How come the Kyuubi got 9 tails? How come the fucking slug got 6 tails? Hell, even the fucking CAT had twice as many tails as he did!

More shots of semen smacked Shukaku in the face as he suddenly felt mentally ill. What was the point? What was the point? Even if he demolished Konoha now, years later, the only story people would be telling would be how a 12-year-old just _stood_ in front of the fearsome Ichibi and merely ejaculated all over his face.

Oh, the shame! He did not dare think about what the other tailed beasts would think when they found out about this. It was just too humiliating for the tanuki (raccoon) to bear.

Naruto had no idea the mental pain he was causing the sand demon. In fact, now that he was here, he actually realized he didn't really know what to do, besides stand there and continue to have orgasms.

After another shot of cum smacked the giant sand demon right between the eyes, Shukaku had had enough.

"**FUCK THIS! FUCK YOU KONOHA! FUCK YOU SAGE! FUCK YOU KYUUBI! I FUCKING QUIT!" **The Shukaku screamed, pissed as hell.

Naruto was befuddled. He knew he was pretty dumb to be putting himself in harms' way like this. So he actually expected to get smacked around a bit, maybe put into a life-threatening situation.

"HEY! You stupid demon, where are you going? Come back and fight me!" Naruto yelled, his dick nodding in agreement. It shot another wad at Shukaku's eye, full of pompous mockery.

The 1-tailed Sand Demon literally wanted to cry. He could not believe this. Out of all the idiots, losers, and retards that he had fought over the years, no one, _no one_, compared to _this _kid.

To think this was how much Konoha feared him, by sending an ejaculating 12-year old to fight him alone… he felt his pride, his reputation, his dignity, utterly _stripped_ away.

As he turned his back to Konoha and began stomping into the direction of the horizon, in search of a new purpose in life, the Shukaku began to cry bitterly.

Naruto glared. "Don't run! I haven't proven myself yet!"

Squirt.

The Shukaku started howling, running away aimlessly, while Naruto's dick started shooting longer and longer distances, somehow still managing to hit the Ichibi every single time.

XXXXXXX

The Sandaime, along with Yamato and a host of 25 ANBU had finally reached the clearing, where they were met with a completely irrational scene.

Uzumaki Naruto, the blonde 12-year-old Genin Ninja, was chasing after the Ichibi, who was crying and retreating at the same time, cursing his maker, cursing Konoha, cursing his wretched existence. All the while, Naruto's dick shot semen at powerful speeds and superhuman distances, managing to hit the Ichibi each and every time.

Squirt. Squirt. Squirt.

"Wow!" One of the ANBU commented. "Look at the range of his shots. That one must have been over a mile!" He commented in awe of Naruto's ejaculating skills.

"Long distance sniping! Amazing."

"Daaaaamn! That's one powerful dick!"

"… that's what she said!" The surrounding ANBU chattered excitedly as they watched Naruto long-distance snipe the Ichibi's retreating form into the horizon.

The Hokage sweatdropped. Like, major sweatdrop. He put a hand on his head, not sure exactly what he was supposed to make of this.

'_Damn. I'm definitely getting too old for this job_.' He thought miserably, all at the same time admiring Naruto's absolute virility. '_Kid you are going to make some woman very happy one day._'

XXXXXXX

All regions had stabilized as the Hokage stood in front of a huge group of ninja outside the Hokage Tower.

"My fellow Shinobi of Konoha." He started.

They began cheering madly, whooping and celebrating their recent victory. He held up a hand to calm them.

"Today was a very tragic day. We lost many lives. But the enemy lost even more."

A thundering applause rose through the ranked shinobi as they high-fived and hugged each other.

"However. I wanted to bring on this stage, one very special ninja."

Excited murmuring ran through the crowd as everyone began wondering, who? Who?

"He saved the lives of many, including myself this very fateful day. If it were not for him… we would not be celebrating such a definitive victory."

The chatters only grew.

"Please join me, in honoring, the hero of today's battles, Uzumaki Naruto!"

The crowd roared. A small figure walked out onto the podium, dressed in an orange jumpsuit and blushing furiously.

"Thank you old man!" Naruto yelled, stretching his hands in victorious joy. "I'm glad I was able to contribute to protecting our beautiful village!"

Squirt.

"I want you all to know that I plan to become Hokage one day!"

Squirt.

"And that no matter what I will become the best ninja ever!"

Squirt.

"And that we should all work together!"

Squirt.

"And that no matter what we are all a family!"

Squirt.

There was no applause. The crowd was absolutely silent. They stared in horror at the blonde who stood so freely in front of hundreds of ninja, doing such dirty business in open public.

At the very front, one additional casualty had already joined Konoha's injured list. One of the Chuunin who happened to be unfortunate enough to stand right in front of Naruto when he made his speech, had already been shot 5 times in the face and was now quivering in a heap on the ground. Two medical ninja quickly came over and tried to drag him out, while dodging the blonde boy's frequent projectiles.

Naruto looked at the crowd in confusion and momentary unhappiness. Why didn't they clap for him? Why? WHY?

His dick was getting angry too.

The blonde felt anger and injustice swell within him.

These people… they would never accept him!

They would never accept him because of who he was! He would always be an outcast!

Naruto began to bawl on stage. But… instead of tears…

Everyone slowly widened their eyes in shock, as his dick seemed to literally _charge _up…

"I HATE YOU ALL!" Naruto howled, while his dick went into overdrive.

Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt 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Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt Squirt

Every single ninja in the audience got shot in the face at least once, some twice, some 10 times, some 50 times! (those were the _really _unlucky ones)

Meanwhile, the Hokage was staring shocked, he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Behind him, two ANBU who had been pre-selected to guard the sandaime were chattering excitedly to each other.

"Dude! His dick just went super-saiyan!"

"Wow! Just like a machine gun!"

"Yeah! Holy crap. What is that, like, 1000 rounds per minute?"

"Daaaamn. I didn't know anyone could shoot that fast."

"Man. We are so lucky we get to stand back here."

"Yeah. I'm definitely feeling lucky today. Maybe I'll go buy a lottery ticket before I go back home."

"Yeah! Same. Then I'm gonna go home and see if my wife will actually sleep with me tonight!"

"Dude! Totally!"

And with that final ejaculation, came the abrupt end to the Chuunin Exams and the Invasion of Konoha.


	4. Offer of a Lifetime

**Life is One Long Orgasm**

**Chapter 4: Offer of a Lifetime**

**A/N: So I debated ending things at the last chapter, since I couldn't really think of anything funnier than Naruto's dick going super-saiyan. However, I was inspired today after, well, after an activity that shall not be mentioned, and so I decided to continue!**

**Therefore, instead of the seemingly random storyline that marked the previous 3 chapters, the story will now be much more plot-focused and character-based, so by all means, if you can still stomach it… feel free to continue reading this as an official story!**

XXXXX

Naruto walked along his mindscape, it was like a sewer. The walls were covered with century-old dirt.

Drip. Drip.

Squirt.

He turned the corner. It was so dark, he couldn't see anything. He smelled the thick stench of something in the air… a musky smell, one that he had never smelled before.

Drip. Drip.

Squirt.

Then, at the end of the hall, he saw a massive jail. A tiny scroll was on it, saying _Kanji_, and by the looks of it, this was probably the legendary monster, the Kyuubi no Kitsune's prison…

Drip. Drip.

Squirt.

He heard moaning coming from the end of the hall, so he began walking further. However, as he did, the moans became exponentially louder…

"**Ooh… mm… yeaa… oh yea… oohh… ooohh…YEES… yes… YES! OH YEA! OOOHH! OOHHH! OOHHH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!**"

Naruto stopped in front of the jail, flabbergasted. Inside the jail cell was a woman, a completely _naked_ woman.

She had crimson red hair that now flew around wildly, she had a buxom body that was slender at the waist, gorgeous, enormous _melons_, that seemed to heave and shudder, and a sensuous, ravishing countenance, that was currently scrunched up in a rather constipated expression.

"**OOHHH! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!"**

She had both her hands, touching and grasping at her… womanly part, and that's when Naruto realized why he was cumming non-stop.

Every time the woman came, he came. Every time she moaned, his dick squirted. If she rubbed herself harder and faster, he squirted at faster rates and at longer distances.

"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" Naruto yelled angrily.

The fox woman didn't even notice him. By the looks of it, she had been masturbating non-stop for the past 24 hours.

He pounded the jail cell in frustration. Finally, she noticed and stopped her ministrations.

Almost immediately, Naruto's dick stopped, and fell limp.

They both glared at each other.

"**What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something here!**"

Naruto crossed his arms. "Clearly, you've been doing that for the past 24 hours!"

Kyuubi smirked. "**So? In all fairness, I only discovered this 24 hours ago!**"

"What? What the hell were you doing the rest of the time?"

She growled. "**… none of your business!**" Well, before she discovered her sexy time, she had actually been plotting her escape from this stupid cell. For the past 12 years.

Of course with such a low success rate, Kyuubi was bound to get discouraged sooner or later. And so when she discovered that her human form had this _extraordinary_ self-pleasure mechanism, she seized onto it like an aspiring actress onto a casting couch.

"Meh. Whatever. Anyway, stop masturbating! Everyone in Konoha hates me because I keep squirting, and it's getting out of control!"

Kyuubi's eyes widened in curiosity. "**Oh? Cute little me playing with myself over here, has an effect on** **_you_****? Let me see!**"

She greedily stuck her fingers back into her twat, and a few seconds later, sure enough, Naruto's dick was squirting happily once more.

"DAMNIT FOX! STOP IT!" Naruto yelled angrily.

"**Why should I?**" She winked. "**Oh my. Watching you cum makes me even hornier!**" She began rubbing herself even faster, as Naruto's dick continued to shoot out wad after wad.

"Please… please stop…" The blonde boy mumbled.

Kyuubi gave him an odd look. She finally took her fingers off, while Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. Sucking on her fingers, she eyed Naruto hungrily.

"**Brat, how about this. You free me and I'll stop masturbating.**" She said, grinning.

Naruto's eyes widened. What kind of proposal was that!

"I… I can't do that!" Naruto said. "You'll destroy everyone again!"

The fox demoness shook her head. "**No I won't. I promise. In fact, I'll give you this once in a lifetime opportunity.**"

He narrowed his eyes. "What? And please don't say you want me to help you… err… masturbate."

"**Hmph! Who says you can pleasure me better than I can pleasure myself?**" She scoffed, as Naruto blushed. "**The opportunity is this. You free me and I'll be your slave. I will be your slave in absolutely every manner, I will take care of you, feed you, protect you, fuck you, massage you, whenever you want, wherever you want!**"

Naruto bit his lip. While that did sound incredibly enticing somehow he doubted she would live up to her promise.

"How do I know you won't break your word?"

The Kyuubi smirked. "**Naruto-kun, you think too lowly of me! I** **_always_** **keep my word.**"

"I don't know…"

She huffed. "**Oh come on! It can't be that hard! It's a simple matter of pick and choose! Would you rather have those ugly, dumb, underdeveloped bitches that you know, or would you rather have ME, the Kyuubi no Kitsune, most legendary, beautiful, incredible demon fox goddess EVER to walk the planet?**"

"I'm pretty sure you're the _only_ demon fox goddess to ever walk the planet…" Naruto deadpanned.

Kyuubi glared. "**It's not hard Naruto-kun. Plus. You know I will treat you well. I will fulfill your every desire. Whatever you want, I'll give you.**"

Naruto considered it, he really did. But then he remembered the village that he had fought to protect for so long… how he could risk its destruction again?

The blonde boy shook his head. "I'm sorry Kyuubi. I… I just can't trust you. You nearly destroyed my village and everyone I care about, how can I-…"

"**FOOL! I, the Kyuubi no Kitsune, give you this amazing opportunity of a lifetime, and you DARE deny me? What do you take me for, the fatass Ichibi? The lazy piece of dog shit Sanbi? NO! I am the KYUUBI! I have 9 fucking tails! That's 9 tails more than you!**"

"Thank god for that." Naruto said without thinking.

Kyuubi was simply livid. "**ASSHOLE! That's it!**" She both her hands on her twat again and started masturbating furiously. "**Enjoy cumming for the rest of your life, bastard!**"

As the demon fox expelled him from her realm, Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. He really had no idea what to make of that threat. It was one of those oddly worded threats that sounded like the end of the world, but really… wasn't.

At least not yet.

XXXXX

So Naruto was back into the world of the living, and as he sat up, he realized that he was in a room full of… nerdy looking people.

Apparently, the Sandaime had assembled a team of "experts" to investigate Naruto's curious condition, and debate how best to solve his problem.

A snooty old guy came up to him and began reading off a stupid sheet of paper. "Ahem ahem. According to our scientific reports, it is estimated that twenty-six gallons of the fluid will leave your body each day, due to molecular mitosis within your sperm-producing testes. The expected duration of this condition has an estimated range of 15 to 30 years, with 50 years or even more being possible if your chakra doesn't run out. Furthermore, your penis seems to have expanded to a length of 8 inches, which is above 80% of the male population as of today, modern era 214 Shinobi Time. Also, it is highly expected that you will-…"

Squirt!

Naruto was about to fall asleep! The extremely boring man yelled in anguish and disgust, quickly retreating away. He went to a corner and started grumbling angrily at having been dismissed through such crude methods.

Another scientist, a young female medical student, came up. "Uzumaki Naruto, we have discovered a few possible ways to stop the flow of your… ahem… semen," a light blush tinted her cheeks, "And we would like to recommend them to you right now." She finished, waiting nervously for his answer.

The blonde boy nodded. His dick seemed to hesitate for a bit, then nodded as well.

The female student let out a noticeable sigh as she was able to pass the first stage without getting "dismissed."

"Ok. The first method is we have a Hyuga use Jyu-…"

Squirt!

The female medical student yelped as she was dismissed immediately, for having such a horrible and clearly _wrong_ idea! Naruto's dick was highly offended.

Another young female student came up. "Ah… sorry Naruto-sama, please excuse my friend's mistake."

Naruto took a good look at her, as his dick seemed to stiffen with excitement just by looking at her. She was absolutely stunning, almost as beautiful as the Kyuubi, with a cute, sleek face, pink hair, a slim but curvaceous figure only accentuated by the sexy pink top and skinny jeans that she wore.

"… you don't have to call me Naruto-sama…" Naruto said quietly.

She bowed deeply. "Naruto-sama, my father was one of the ninja that was about to be killed by the Ichibi yesterday, and he told me that if you had not came in at that point, he would have most certainly died. Which is why he owes his life to you, and I owe you my deepest gratitude and respect."

Naruto's eyes widened. The whole time he had been ostracized by those viewing him with disgust. He never thought he would meet someone who'd appreciate him!

She looked at her notes, then gulped noticeably.

"The second option is to… umm… simply… ampu-…"

SQUIIIIIRRRRTTT!

No matter how respectful one is, if one recommends an idea as horrific, disgusting, and preposterous as _that_ idea, she deserves to get hit! In fact, Naruto's dick even ejaculated few more times than usual, peppering her fair and pretty face with several white splatters of semen.

However, to everyone's surprise (most researchers were at this point standing against the wall in fear, with only the young medical student brave enough to face Naruto alone), this student did not falter. She smiled humbly at the blonde.

"My apologies, Naruto-sama. I have to read everything that was recommended by our… _chief_… researcher…" She shot a glare at a cowardly looking man who was hiding in a corner and trying not to be seen, "and so I apologize ahead of time if you are offended. However… just so you know… I am more than happy to be the recipient of your discharges." She finished the last part with a blush, which made her look cuter than ever.

Naruto's dick couldn't help it. For the first time, someone actually appreciated it! It squirted happily at the pretty student's face, and she reacted by opening her mouth and catching most of it in her mouth, smiling.

Swallowing, she continued. "Thank you, Naruto-sama. The third option… is to place a seal on your dick. Jiraiya-sama is currently determining which seal to use…"

She flipped through her notes. "However, according to these notes, some of these seals are extremely complicated, including the Dead Demon Consuming Seal…"

SQUIRT!

Both Naruto and Naruto's dick were outraged, the latter of course, immediately discharging several wads of semen. Dead Demon Consuming Seal for a dick?

The beautiful medical student was completely ready for it this time, and already had her mouth wide open, catching every single drop. She swallowed again and continued, looking enormously pleased with herself.

"The fourth option is to directly ask the source of your ejaculations to stop." At this she looked up at Naruto, smiling kindly. "Naruto-sama, have you been able to contact your prisoner?"

"Yes…" He felt flustered, as he remembered the Kyuubi's actions. Should he have taken the Kyuubi up on her offer?

"And the prisoner is the cause of your current condition, correct?"

He nodded.

"Was your prisoner unwilling to cease the activities that have caused your current condition?"

Naruto shook his head. "I'm sorry. The Kyuubi said that it will only stop its activities if I let it go free." He decided not to tell them that said fox was currently in human form, masturbating like a machine.

The medical student nodded. "I see. Hokage-sama has already made it clear that any result that would allow the Kyuubi no Kitsune to be released is completely unacceptable… so I guess it is up to you Naruto-sama. Please try and convince your prisoner eventually, ok?"

"Sure. Ah – what's your name?" Naruto asked. He was really beginning to like this girl. She seemed very smart, very tolerant, and she was extremely pretty. She appreciated that he saved her father (despite his unconventional methods), and she didn't seem disgusted at all by him!

"It's Moka, Naruto-sama. My name is Akashiya Moka, and I'm a current freshman studying at the Land of Fire University of Biochemistry. I'm studying Neuroscience and the Evolution of Reproductive Systems." She said brightly.

The blonde boy didn't understand a word of that, but he did like the sound of her name.

"Anyway, that concludes my presentation for now, Naruto-sama. Thank you for giving me the opportunity."

"Sure no problem… and thank you as well… for err, being understanding." Naruto finished, blushing.

She bowed again, walking away. His dick didn't want her to leave though, it shot several more wads of semen at her.

In a flash, she turned around and caught _all_ of it again in her mouth, eyes flashing with mirth. "You're delicious, Naruto-sama." She winked, as Naruto's dick was simply smitten.

XXXXX

Meanwhile, a few hundred feet under the ground, a certain redhead was scowling angrily at her current situation. Stuck in a fucking Konoha prison, eating shitty Konoha food (actually, she admitted, it was pretty damn good compared to what she ate back at Otogakure), and worst of all, having to relive that cursed day every single night when she went to sleep!

Every dream, involved some form of semen being shot at her… and usually by tens, if not hundreds, of laughing blondes, shooting her left and right…

She wanted to cry. Oh, the humiliation! She failed Orochimaru-sama, she failed her teammates, she failed _herself_, and now she was stuck here in this dreary (but still rather lavish) prison, constantly reliving that nightmarish day.

Looking into a broken piece of glass, she saw her reflection and scowled. Dirt and grime covered many portions of her face. She hadn't even had the chance to take a shower… all they did was give her a new set of clothes to wear, and burned the old ones.

She felt so dirty… and so angry.

Tayuya clenched her fists. "Excuse me? Excuse me?" She called.

One of the guards peered up to look at her. "What is it, prisoner #69?"

She briefly cursed her unfortunate prisoner number, but then shook it off. "Can I make a request to see a certain person?"

The guard nodded. "That's fine. I will pass your request off to the warden when he returns tonight."

Tayuya smiled. "Great. Thanks." She then slinked back into her cell, cursing and muttering darkly. Rubbing her hands together, she began smiling wickedly, at the revenge she would inflict on that _certain_ person, for having completely, utterly, totally, _destroyed_ her life.

XXXXX

**A/N: Yea, the canon Akashiya Moka doesn't really fit the personality, but this is my story, and so I created an OOC personality for her, is that so outrageous? ****J**


	5. The Humanity

**Life is One Long Orgasm**

**Chapter 5: The Humanity**

So things in Konoha were pretty much returning to normal, except, of course, the hottest topic in all the newspapers and tabloids, were about one subject:

Naruto's dick.

A few headlines:

"Uzumaki Naruto's dick christened as 8th Wonder of the World!" - Konoha Times, Issue #441

"Strategic semen placement saves beloved Sandaime from assassination!" – The Daily Leaf, Issue #126

"Modern-day David v. Goliath: Read how one heroic dick faced off against the fearsome Ichibi!" – Fire Nation Weekly, Issue #6969

"Bukkake no Jutsu, the hottest jutsu of all time! Everyone wants to learn it, no one knows how to do it!" – Ninja Times, Issue #-256

And some tabloids/trade magazines:

"Woman's fertility centers across the country offer Uzumaki Naruto's dick 100,000 ryo per gallon!" – Fire In The Hoes, Issue #215

"Konoha's largest strip club offers Naruto's dick a lifetime sponsorship." – Strip Them Bitches, Issue #76

"Newest service: Want to have kids but your husband is sterile? Call us and we'll arrange for a date with you and Uzumaki Naruto's dick!" - Craigslist

In addition, some of the trendiest words of the day are as follows:

Dicked: Awesome, badass. "Dude this guy is dicked!" "That's so dicked!"

Cumtastic: fantastic; amazing. "This show is simply cumtastic!"

Naruto'd: humiliated in public. "After being Naruto'd during the debate, the candidate was forced to withdraw from the race."

XXXXX

"So, he rejected the Dead Demon Consuming Seal?" Jiraiya asked. He stood next to the Hokage, who was sitting in his usual seat.

The members of Naruto's Dick Emergency Research Team (DERT) assembled at the Hokage's office. It was an assorted bunch of scientists, doctors, and medical researchers. The lead researcher was a guy in his mid-40's who was an expert in studying semen (he was a closet homosexual).

Standing besides him was Akashiya Moka, who had become the "star" of the research team, after she so bravely and shamelessly stood up to Naruto's fearsome dick all by herself.

The lead researcher nodded. "Unfortunately Jiraiya-sama, he is refusing all of our options. Which is understandable as the Hyuga's Jyuken will lead to infertility, the Dead Demon Consuming Seal will lead to limpness, and amputation will lead to… well… dicklessness." His face turned bright red.

Both the Hokage and Jiraiya clutched their heads in exasperation. Everyone waited nervously for their decision.

"Very well." The Hokage said finally. "We have no choice but to allow him to continue ejaculating. However… the potential disruption to our village affairs, especially during this difficult time of recovery..."

At this, Akashiya Moka decided to speak up. "Hokage-sama… I have an idea."

"Hmm?"

She smiled. "Naruto-sama's dick is a very powerful weapon. It took down those sound ninja, Hyuga Neji, and even the Ichibi, all by itself. It shoots very fast and very accurately, which means that in order to dodge it, you have to have good reflexes. So, why not create a training class where the Ninja in our village can train their dodging reflexes against Naruto-sama's dick?"

Everyone was shocked. Subjecting their proudest and most valuable shinobi to a training session facing against the most powerful, sentient dick on the planet?

"GREAT IDEA!" Jiraiya roared, giving Moka two thumbs up.

XXXXX

_**Important Notice: All Konoha Male Shinobi must attend Mandatory Session Today at Training Ground 7 at 3:00 PM. (Female Shinobi Session is Tomorrow at Same Time)**_

Rumors were flying about what the mandatory session entailed. Some people thought it would be an interrogation to weed out traitors, some thought it would be a re-evaluation of Konoha's ranks, some thought it would be a repartitioning of teams.

But they all had no idea…

XXXXX

3:00 PM, Standard Konoha Time

A huge group of male Shinobi were gathered at Training Ground 7, Jounin, Chuunin, and Genin, all grouped up, wondering, what in Kami-sama's name was going on today?

The Hokage and Jiraiya were already there, along with the entire research team, the village elders, and the whole shebang. Also a lot of villagers had decided to show up as well to watch the proceedings of this important event.

"Thank you all for making it here today." The Hokage stated, loudly. "This is a dangerous time, as the battle a few days earlier has shown us. Therefore, the village leaders, and I, have decided that you, our proud Shinobi of the Leaf, need to improve your survivability on the battlefield. Each one of your lives is precious, and therefore, your ability to avoid and evade enemy projectile attacks, which are some of the most common, is crucial."

Some murmurs emitted from the crowd, as they did not see any standard training Kunai or Shruiken around.

"We will now proceed with a test, in which each of you will attempt to dodge enemy projectiles for 1 minute. If you manage to dodge all the projectiles, you will pass. However if you get hit even once, you will have to retake this test at another day. If you fail then you cannot go on missions anymore."

The gathering Ninja were in shock, essentially the Hokage had just told them they would be fired if they did not pass this test.

"Ok. Fortunately, one of our fellow Shinobi, has generously allowed us to benefit from his abilities in this field." The Hokage announced. "Please, let's give a warm welcome to our Test Examiner for today… Uzumaki Naruto!"

Dead silence.

Naruto suddenly appeared, with a 'nice-guy' pose, his teeth flashing bright as the morning sun. "YATTA! This is my first time testing others so don't worry, I'm as nervous as you guys are!"

Squirt.

Everyone was horrified.

"Hokage-sama! This is a waste of time, are you saying we have to dodge his semen?" Griped one of the Chuunin, Kotetsu.

Jiraiya stepped in. "Yes, we figured, it's a harmless projectile, which is useful for training purposes, yet, it shares the same status as more lethal projectiles, in terms of its speed, accuracy, and that getting hit is highly undesirable, hence motivating you to perform at the highest level."

The other Chuunin Izumo was pissed. "I refuse to take this test! How is dodging his semen going to make me a better Ninja? Who's with me!" He shouted, trying to start a revolt.

SQUIRT! Before anyone could respond, Naruto's dick immediately shot a wad of semen at Izumo, even though he was standing 100 feet away in the middle of the crowd. The semen bullet passed through some ANBU in the front, grazed the ear of an unnamed Genin, passed right by Uchiha Sasuke's horrified expression, and hit Izumo dead-center on the face.

Perfect aim.

"I believe that answers your question." Jiraiya said, smirking at the now humiliated (Naruto'd) Chuunin.

The remaining Shinobi were simply speechless, yet after seeing this amazing display of marksmanship, resigned themselves to their fate.

"Ok… first up…" Jiraiya announced, reading the list. "Aburame Shibi!" (Shino's dad)

The cool, calm Jounin bug user walked forward, facing off against Naruto.

"Begin!" Jiraiya set the timer to 1 minute.

Immediately, Naruto's dick began shooting wad after wad machine-gun style at Shibi, who began dodging like crazy, matrix-style.

"Wow!" The audience chattered excitedly. It was an electrifying display, Naruto's dick was aiming at all the important parts, yet Shibi, being the experienced Jounin he was, dodged every single one of them.

DING!

"Great, you pass!" Jiraiya congratulated, as the (slightly) relieved Shibi walked off to the side. "Ok next… Hiriji Shimon." (A Chuunin exam proctor) (yes I'm not going in alphabetical order but I don't care)

The elite Chuunin stepped forward, brushing his bangs to the side of his face.

"Begin!"

Immediately, Naruto's dick started rocketing off, and the guy was hit at least 5 times.

"You FAIL! Come back tomorrow for reexamination!"

Sobbing hopelessly, Shimon walked off the stage and towards his team members, who awkwardly tried to comfort him (while trying to maintain a safe distance).

"Next, Hyuga Hoheto!" One of the Hyuga clan, Hoheto stepped in front of Naruto to avenge his fallen family member, Neji.

"This is an absolute waste of my time. I can't believe that I, of the elite Hyuga clan, must undergo this kind of pathetic training!" He spat, with an arrogant sneer on his face.

Jiraiya shrugged. "If you can dodge, then you can pass. Until then, be quiet and BEGIN!"

Unfortunately for the Hyuga, Naruto's dick was highly offended by Hoheto's words, and began shooting its load in double-time. Meaning, twice the cum at twice the speed, which led to such a stunning barrage of semen that you could actually see a full-fledged rainbow erupt from within.

For the first 55 seconds, the proud shinobi performed admirably, his Byukagan allowing him to dodge every single one of Naruto's double-time projectiles.

Unfortunately, at the 55th second, Naturo's semen money-shotted Hoheto in the middle of his Byukagan, and that's when all hell broke loose. Screaming in agony, the last 5 seconds consisted of Hoheto falling to the ground with the full fury of Naruto's overpowered dick cumming profusely into his oversensitive eyes.

Squirt (x2000).

Needless to say, the proud shinobi's will was utterly decimated as he crawled to his family members, one of them being Hyuga Hiashi, the clan elder, who shook his head sadly at the defeat of two of their clan's proudest warriors by the "worthless demon brat."

"You fail! In the future I would advise you not to anger his dick!" Jiraiya admonished, scribbling down some notes. "Come back tomorrow for reexamination. Next!"

Ninja after ninja, from ANBU to Jounin to Genin, everyone had to face off against Naruto's dick in order to pass the Sandaime's/Jiraiya's exam. Most of the Jounin and up were able to pass, but the lower-ranked Chuunin and Genin simply stood no chance.

"Next, Uchiha Sasuke!" Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. This was Naruto's teammate, would the blonde ninja go easy on him?

Stepping up, the always hip, always cool, dark-and-silent badass ladies man Uchiha Sasuke calmly gazed at Naruto, who greeted him with excitement.

"HEY SASUKE! How's it going!" The two had not spoken since the before the third exam.

Sasuke shrugged. "I'm alright." Several of the females in the audience swooned at his display of coolness.

"Dattebayo! I hope you don't expect me to go easy on you, just because you're my teammate!"

"Hn." Was the only response.

Like the western movies of the future, the final showdown was about to occur and everyone was on the edge of their seats. Would the last remaining member of the enormously powerful Uchiha clan be able to dodge his teammate's demonic semen, or would he fall just as so many other proud warriors had before him?

"BEGIN!"

XXXXX

**A/N: The next section is so bad that I deliberately separated the fight so I can put this warning here, I might even get banned. Please do not read the next section if you are easily squeamish or have a weak stomach. **

XXXXX

Squirt!

"_**Sharingan!**_"

Sasuke quickly activated his Sharingan before the first squirt hit, and easily sidestepped it. With his mighty dojutsu, he could see each bullet of cum as soon as it emerged from Naruto's dick, which gave him plenty of time to dodge everything Naruto's dick could muster.

20 seconds in…

Noticing that its bullets were being dodged so easily, almost casually, by the Sharingan user, Naruto's dick became angry and started shooting faster and faster.

Sasuke's eyes widened. The Sharingan was finding it harder and harder to deal with this rapid acceleration. Each of the cumshots was landing closer to one of his vital body parts, sometimes even grazing the side of his clothes.

30 seconds in…

The speed by which the cum was coming in was starting to become unbearable. The speed was three, four times as fast as it had been against earlier Shinobi, and Naruto's massive boner showed no sign of slowing down or even leveling off.

In fact at this point the dick was shooting not just one bullet of cum but TWO bullets of cum per rotation, a technological achievement known as the "Double Barrel."

The Uchiha became increasingly distraught. At this rate, there was no way he could dodge these cumshots effectively after the 40th second. He was on his way towards disaster, towards utter public humiliation, towards the disgrace of his entire clan name!

40 seconds in…

Naruto's boner was so furious that Sasuke was dodging all of its semen bullets that it unleashed a technique that no one in existence had ever thought of. It was called:

**The Stream of Consciousness**

Now, instead of shooting bullets, the dick now was shooting a pure, magnificent, _beam of light_. It was like a super-saiyan version of Goku's Kamehameha (energy wave). This thing was so beautiful and so gorgeous that many female members of the audience commented on its ability to make even a pathetic loser such as Naruto look _attractive_, like, not just "date-able" but more like "shove that ridiculously powerful dick into me and make me feel GOD" attractive.

"YOSH! THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH!" Maito Gai and Rock Lee cheered, while hugging each other under the backdrop of a rapidly setting sun.

The crowd began to "ooo" and "aaaah." Such an impressive display of biological warfare was unheard of, and this kind of jutsu made even the most peace-loving hippies excited, due to the sheer awesomeness of the scene before them. Needless to say there were a lot of rainbows.

50 seconds in…

Sasuke had no choice. "_**Mangekyou Sharingan!**_" He screamed, his pupils becoming bigger, his tomoe merging and forming one gigantic spiral, and his kekkei genkai activating to such an insane level that he could dodge practically anything in existence.

Unfortunately, it could dodge everything except for a continuous stream of infinite cum.

Realizing his all-powerful Mangekyou Sharingan was worthless against this monstrosity, Sasuke began to run for his dear life, screaming his head off like a little girl. Naruto's omnipotent turtle destruction wave quickly followed him.

"HEY! That's cheating! You have to stay in one place!" Jiraiya shouted, conveniently ignoring the fact that Naruto's dick was now rapidly achieving "Tailed-Beast" status on its own.

Leaping onto trees and shrubbery, Sasuke soon realized he could not simply hide behind a tree – Naruto's cum was in fact _heat-seeking_ and curved around the tree branches in order to reach him. In fact at this point the only way he could dodge the semen is if he dug a hole and buried himself alive.

In a final act of desperation Sasuke tried to do exactly that. Using Kakashi's Doton: Shinju Zanshu no Jutsu (Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique), Sasuke dug a hole for himself and dove straight in, head first.

Unfortunately he realized that the hole he dug was too narrow for his entire body to go through. You see Sasuke's butt is actually pretty big and it could not fit into the hole. So while his head and upper body was submerged underground, his ass was still sticking in the air like a glorified piece of roadkill.

"_**NOOOOOOOO!**_" Sasuke screamed, as the onslaught of semen closed in on his ass, and that's when all hell broke loose.

The bystanders, audience members, the other Shinobi, the research team, even the Hokage and Jiraiya, realized they would not forget this scene for the rest of their lives. Jiraiya realized far too late that he should have stepped in as soon as Naruto's dick went Heavenly Gate Level 8 on Sasuke. But it all happened so fast…

With the despair of a thousand gypsies dying in the oven, Sasuke shrieked in agony, as the beam of cum plunged straight into his asshole, ripping apart his shorts and underwear and digging straight into the deepest parts of his anus.

He tried desperately to free himself, but to no avail. His technique caused his entire upper body to be useless underground, and with his feet dangling high in the air, he could not even stabilize enough to pull himself out.

"OH. MY. GOD!" Everyone was horrified. To see the mighty Uchiha be anally raped by Naruto's cum was something that no one would ever forget. The beam of semen splashed in and out of Sasuke's anus, like a demonic tentacle, and it was at that point that the bystanders realized that god truly was dead.

DING!

The one minute mark. "NARUTO! STOP!" Sakura screamed, horrified to the point that words could not express, at the sight of her teammate brutally raping her other teammate, and the object of her crush.

Naruto realized to his alarm that he could not. Even as he attempted to turn around and shoot at a different angle, his cum-beam was now a heat-seeking missile, and simply redirected itself towards Sasuke's ass, giving the poor Uchiha repeated anal creampies for nearly 30 seconds now.

"Oh, the humanity!" Many of the gathered bystanders gasped.

Needless to say some of the screams that emitted out of Sasuke's mouth were enough to convince everyone that the always-rad, dark and sexy emo-boy, might actually be gay. He was not merely mourning being anally raped, but also the fact that his entire image had been shattered, his clan name disgraced forever, and that no one would ever let him forget this moment, the day he lost everything.

"STOP IT NARUTO!" Even Jiraiya began to feel anxious about the scene before him. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. With the proud Uchiha now utterly destroyed, this wouldn't be good for Konoha's reputation at all, and it wasn't good for the Shinobi morale, either.

"I can't stop!" Naruto shouted in despair, feeling regretful himself that he was causing his own teammate this much despair and pain.

Still, his angry dick continued to ejaculate at a stream of consciousness, and Sasuke's butt had now been creampied so hard that it was actually expanding. At this rate, Naruto's semen might just give Sasuke a second butthole…

"SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!" Sakura screamed in despair and panic, but no one moved. Everyone was simply terrified, and all of the male ninja tried to step as far away from Naruto as possible, thanking their lucky stars that they were not themselves the subject of this abomination.

It was at that moment that Akashiya Moka, star of the research team, the gorgeous daughter of the legendary Akasha Bloodriver, decided that she had had enough with these useless imbeciles that littered the ranks of Konoha's proudest ninja, and took matters into her own hands.

Or rather, her own mouth.

Dashing up to Naruto, she got on her knees, and grabbed the ejaculating blonde's dick and shoved it into her mouth. Immediately, a massive gush of cum spilled out from around her cheeks as her small orifice could hardly handle the onslaught, yet she continued to kneel there like a champion, singlehandedly stopping Naruto's dick from torturing Sasuke any longer.

Everyone was shocked. Jiraiya could hardly believe his eyes.

The most shocking thing was that Moka was somehow able to handle the godlike power of the semen blasts into her throat, which immediately expanded to accompany the additional consumption of semen, leading to her stomach being filled up faster than a college girl on spring break.

But she did not look like she could hold out much longer.

Pumping bursts of semen into Moka's mouth, Naruto's dick was soon pacified, and even felt loved, as it was soothed by the warm embraces of her lips and loving tongue. The insanely powerful beam of light was now reduced to a steady stream, and then finally, back to its original speed of soft cumshot after another.

Having done her duty, Moka did what anyone else would do after drinking over five gallons of cum under 5 seconds… she fainted and fell over, the sheer amount of cum inside her gushing out of her mouth, then leaking off the side of her face into the grass.

Silence. No one knew what to say.

Naruto stood there sheepishly, his dick innocently ejaculating into a patch of grass nearby as if it had done nothing wrong, while the two fallen figures, one of the decimated victim Uchiha Sasuke, and one of the heroic savior Akashiya Moka, both laid on the ground, Naruto's cum spilling out of each of them (albeit out of different holes).

"Okay. Well this definitely turned out different than expected. I think it might be a good idea to cancel tomorrow's female session, Jiraiya." The Sandaime finally said, adjusting his pipe. It would do no good for the female shinobi of Konoha to be impregnated by Naruto's ridiculously accurate semen. The rapid decay of Naruto's first training session, showed how merciless Naruto's dick truly could be.

Jiraiya nodded slowly. In his mind, however, he was thinking of all the possibilities that his next Icha-Icha book would feature… a beautiful maiden giving up her innocence in order to stop a tyrannical dick from going crazy… yes, yes, it would be a bestseller for sure!

Sobbing profusely, Sakura rushed to Sasuke's side, but did not know whether she ought to touch his soaked bottom. Kakashi-sensei came up and excavated Sasuke with ease, but the poor boy had fainted a long time ago.

Meanwhile, the research team gathered around their fallen star and carried her to the hospital.

"All of you are dismissed, there will be no more tests." The Sandaime said gravely to the gathered Shinobi.

They did not cheer. The horror they had witnessed was enough to sedate even the most excitable ninja. They dispersed, heading towards a bar to get wasted, and never think or speak of this event again.

And thus ended the first and only "Dodge Naruto's Dick" training session that went wrong in all sorts of horrible ways.


	6. Sex and the City

**Life is One Long Orgasm**

**Chapter 6: Sex and the City**

So later that evening, after brutally massacring Sasuke's anus, Naruto was summoned to visit one of the prisoners, namely, prisoner #69.

"Woah kid, point that thing away from me please." The ANBU ordered, as Naruto sheepishly walked alongside, squirting from time to time.

They reached the prison cell, and Naruto immediately felt a pang of pity as he saw the red-headed lump on the ground, huddled beneath some dirty old blankets, with only a small chamberpot nearby.

"Prisoner #69, your visitor is here." The ANBU announced, opening up the prison door to let Naruto in. "Kid, you have 5 minutes."

Tayuya sleepily looked up and saw the sheepish figure of Naruto walk in. He took precaution not to face her directly.

"Y-you… you are here. Finally." Tayuya said slowly.

Naruto turned his head to look at her. "Sorry you had to end up like this!" He said, with genuine pity.

She shook her head. "No. Don't be sorry. I deserved it." She tried to rise to her feet, but only stumbled and fell back down. "Ugh, I'm so fucking weak."

The blonde boy tried to sidestep over to help her, but she shook her head again.

"You know," she coughed, breathing heavily, "Originally I planned on inviting you here, and then ambushing you. I wanted to kill you, take my revenge. You think I can't break out of these stupid chains?" She held up her hands, where a set of heavy, chakra-infused metal chains had them immobilized.

Naruto gaped. He knew that she was the enemy, but still, he couldn't help but feel a pang of regret for this girl, who would now be treated as a prisoner of war for the rest of her life.

"But I realized, well, after you used your fucking cum-attack on me," Tayuya continued, referring to his now-famous (infamous) _Bukkake no Jutsu_, "I just don't have any more interest in fighting. Fucking A. I want to be someone, different. I want to do… something else."

"Like what?" He asked tentatively.

"I don't know, idiot." She snapped. "I spent the first fourteen years of my life training to be this weapon, to carry out Orochimaru-sama's will at all costs. I had dreams, damnit, dreams of becoming a Sannin or something, like Tsunade-sama. Yes brat, even I have heard of her, and she was my hero, damnit!"

Naruto did not think it was appropriate to interject that he had not the slightest clue who "Tsunade-sama" was.

"Now I don't know what I want to do. I wish I was dead."

He felt another pang of pity for her. Her life had been completely ruined, that very fateful day...

Breathing heavily, she shook her head. "Sorry to take it out on you, brat. Anyway. I'm so fucking tired. I just wanted to see you, and tell you that you've won." She smiled bitterly. "You can cum on me again, if you want. You're the victor, you can do whatever you want with me."

Surprise etched across the blonde boy's face. "What! I'm not going to do that!" He protested.

Tayuya laughed loudly. "You Konoha-nin are fucking princesses, y'know that?" She snorted. "If a girl like myself was captured by the Sand-nin or worse, the Mist-nin, I would have been double-fucked and gang-raped until my insides fell out or some shit like that."

Naruto shook his head. "I would never do that to you."

She scoffed at first, but then her expression relaxed. "Aww. You won't be saying that in a few years. Heh." Then she gave him a look of surprising earnestness. "But I mean it. Can you cum on me again? I actually… rather liked it."

"Are you serious?" He could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"Five minutes is up!" The guard said from outside. Naruto's head turned.

Suddenly, Tayuya leapt to her feet and rushed towards him, so quickly that he fell down in a yelp of surprise and panic. "What are you do-!"

Squirt.

He was reclined against the prison wall, his hands supporting himself, while the girl in front of him had fallen onto her knees. With a flash of movement, her mouth was on his member, his semen sprawling around her cheeks and into her mouth, her tongue trying desperately to lick, cajole, and soothe his equally-as-surprised shaft.

After the first few loads gushed into her mouth, she swallowed, her face inches away from his tool. "I've dreamed about this every night, I can't stop thinking about it," she breathed heavily, and then went back for more, trying to catch all of it in her mouth, but inevitably a lot of it was spread onto her grime-covered face, her dirty clothes, her slender but weakened body underneath.

"Kid, the bitch didn't give you too much trouble, rig- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" The guard was now in the hallway, shock and disgust evident on his face.

In any other circumstance, Naruto might have felt pleasure from such tender and enthusiastic ministrations from a girl, who undoubtedly would be rather beautiful, if she were not so beaten down and filthy. But this entire situation felt so wrong, and it was incredibly awkward, now that the guard was here as well.

He tried to gently push her away, but she wouldn't budge, her mouth wrapped around him. On her knees, she supported herself with her elbows, as her chained hands could do nothing. It was such a sad sight to see her, desperately trying to receive more of his ejaculations, trying to drink as much as she could.

"Dattebayo… sorry! I have to do this!" He yanked her off him rather harshly, accidentally kneeing her in the process. She fell back with a gurgled cry, crumpling into a dirty, disgusting heap on the ground.

"Thank you, Uzumaki Naruto…" She stumbled. "… Thank you." A pained expression on her face, she retreated back to the end of the cell, her moment of ecstasy over as she licked the remaining goops of semen from near her mouth.

"I don't know what happened! I don't know what happened!" Naruto cried in bizarre anguish as he ran out of the cell and away, with the guard chasing after him, berating him and screaming what the fuck was he thinking.

xXx

The guard was literally freaking out as he led the blonde boy out of the prison. This had turned into a horrible idea. He could only imagine the scandal that would break if the public knew about this…

_Evil Sound-Ninja Gives Village Hero Blowjob While In Prison!_

After seeing off the stunned orange-clad Genin, the ANBU guard went back to the prison to check up on the girl.

But when he got to the cell, he realized he had forgot to shut the door after letting the visitor out. And now the girl was gone. Shit. He had not expected such an absurd thing to happen, and had instead forgotten his protocols.

A sudden realization dawned upon the ANBU guard that perhaps, perhaps the prisoner had been planning this all along…

xXx

Uchiha Madara was not having a good day. He could not believe that Orochimaru's invasion of Konoha had gone so poorly. In fact, it had barely started at all.

This messed up his entire plans, for as long as the Third Hokage was still in power, Konoha was stronger than ever. No other nation dared to make backhand deals or secret conspiracies against someone as widely beloved and respected as the Third Hokage.

His "Eye of the Moon" plan, to take over the entire world with control over all the Jinchuuriki, would have to wait… for now…

Old and weary, the shadowy leader of Akatsuki moved stealthily through the outer forests of Konohagakure.

He decided he would conduct a bit of reconnaissance for now… to see what exactly was going on with this "blonde boy with a special ability." And if he saw an opening, perhaps he could see if he could capture the Jinchuuriki of the Nine-Tails earlier than originally planned…

xXx

"Please! I just want to say sorry to her!" Naruto begged. He tried to hold in the force of his ejaculations into an empty milk bottle, but unfortunately that filled up pretty fast and soon he was shooting strands all over the hospital floor, again.

The nurse looked disgusted and weary. "You're the boy who caused our intern to collapse in the first place! I'm sure the last person she'd want to see is you, especially considering what you did to her!"

He sighed. It was going to be next to impossible to see Moka-san, the beautiful hospital researcher who was now lying in a hospital bed, after swallowing five gallons of semen which had caused her to faint. Fortunately though, there was no sign of physical injuries, showing that it was mainly a psychological twitch that had caused her brain to shut down.

"Please, at least tell her I'm here, just, give her these…" He held up a bouquet of flowers. Well, now they were cum-soaked flowers, but nevertheless, beautiful roses!

The nurse waved it off, distastefully. "… no need for that. Sigh. Very well, I'll tell her you're here, but you stay. Right. Here." With one last disdainful glance at Naruto's "situation," she went into Recovery Room 2D.

The blond genin nodded eagerly, still ejaculating into a plant nearby, while the onlookers tried their best to not stare, but it was simply so… mesmerizing.

Ten seconds later, the nurse returned with an irritated look on her face. "She wants to see you, for what reasons only Kami-sama knows why."

"Yatta!" Naruto cheered, waving his hands in the air. Unfortunately, his dick perked up as well at the prospect at seeing Moka-san again, and decided to shoot a fat lump of goop right onto the Nurse's forehead.

"Eeeekk!" The nurse shrieked, running off to the bathroom to clean herself.

"SORRY!" Naruto called after her, to no avail. So he went into Moka's room.

His heart nearly leapt as he saw the figure sitting against the bed frame, her lower body beneath the sheets, an IV connected to her arm, circling nutrition and minerals into her body, while siphoning out what was undoubtedly large quantities of Naruto's semen.

"Na..naruto..sama…" She mumbled weakly. "I'm so glad… you came… to see me…"

For the second time that day, he felt a pang of pity, but this time it was infused with compassion, for this girl who was so caring and _nice _towards him. That alone was worth more than all the accolades in the world.

"Of course, Moka-san! I- I brought this for you!" He showed off the flowers in front of him, but, upon realizing their unfortunate state, quickly tried to hide it behind his back. "Ah… sorry… I may have ruined it on the way over…"

She giggled. "You're so sweet. Naruto-sama… you… you know I don't care… anything that is infused with your… liquid… is worth even more to me. Please… I would love to have the flowers you got for me…"

He carefully handed her the soaked flowers, then stepped back quickly (as to not hit her with any more of his money-shots) and she held them in her hands, not caring about the semen at all. She smelled the flowers with a contented sigh, and then licked her fingers one by one, giving her companion a warm smile.

Naruto's face felt warm, at the achingly beautiful sight of this girl who was the first to not show any hint of disgust at his condition.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Don't stand so far away… Naruto-sama! You don't have to be… a stranger with me," she pouted cutely. Even in her weakened state, she was beautiful, and adorable.

"B-but, this…" he pointed down to his crotch.

She gave a small, mirthful laugh. "Please, Naruto-sama, just come here. Closer." She beckoned, and the blonde boy had no choice but to concede.

Immediately as he walked closer, his dick perked up with an excitement only possible when female pheromones are nearby, and quickly fired three shots at Moka's face. She wasn't ready, and it splattered all over her angelic visage, causing Naruto to curse in frustration.

"Fuck! Sorry Moka-san, I can't-"

But before he could say anymore, she had somehow managed to lean over and clutch his hips with her hands, and maneuvered so that she could close the gap between her mouth and his dick in an instant. Soon, the second pair of lips had touched his member that day, and this time it was an explosion of warmth, hormones, and emotion, which sparked inside of him.

"Oohh… Moka-san…" he moaned, and he realized that she was moaning as well, as she swallowed the gushes of semen emitting from his shaft.

"You were cumming too quickly earlier." She said throatily, in between gulps. "Now, I will show you… *gulp… how much of you I can handle."

She continued on her breathless fellatio, swallowing and licking and slurping and moaning, as Naruto stood over her, dumbfounded and horny beyond belief. As he had been ejaculating nonstop for the past few days, he did not feel the true pleasure of his orgasms, until now, when he was in the soft and warm embraces of the gorgeous Akashiya Moka and her wanton, enthusiastic mouth.

He did not know how much she could take, but she seemed nowhere near stopping, as whenever she had swallowed a bit much, she would take his member out of her mouth, and let him cum all over her, disregarding her clothes, her hair, the medical equipment nearby, none of that mattered.

All that mattered was that at this moment, the two of them could not be anymore happier.

xXx

Little did they know, however, that someone was watching them from outside the window…

Uchiha Madara was a bit shocked. Now, he had seen a lot of gorgeous ladies over his long and storied career. As the head of the powerful Uchiha clan and one of the founders of Konoha, he never lacked for his share of female attention, and frequently received far more than he could ever want. Of course, now he was old and sterile, and was no longer interested in those kinds of pleasures…

But still, the girl he watched through the window was, even by his standards, a kind of goddess. She had a sort of unearthly beauty, one that made heads turn, and caused many male eyes to wander up and down her exquisite body, hoping to one day enjoy the fruits of that exotic tree…

And so, he could hardly believe it when the dumbass cumming blonde came in, and instead of being outraged and shooing him away like any other normal person would, she instead was now committing her own act of debauchery, and in such a servile manner as well!

But why did he care? He was Uchiha Madara, the most powerful shinobi in existence. And this was his chance to seize the Jinchuuriki for himself… now that the kid was currently "occupied…"

Inwardly, he shuddered with glee. His evil plan was finally about to come to fruition.

xXx


End file.
